Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
