so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
