I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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