So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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