Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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