My friends, they love my intelligence
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize