i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
