i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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