sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
