I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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