Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
