Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
