all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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