Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
