How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
