I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
