Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
