two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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