I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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