I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
