I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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