I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
