it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
