Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
