I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just found puke in my bra..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
