i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
