girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
worst night to have a conscience
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
