And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
