K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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