She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
