How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
