Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize