So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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