the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
