problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
