just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
