just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
