I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
