Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
