After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
