I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
