Got a toothbrush?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
