Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
