I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
