I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize