Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
