my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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