A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
