That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
