Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
