It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
