I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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