Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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