Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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