P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
