So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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