I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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