you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
