bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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