you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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