Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
