Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
